Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Abused Military Wife Speaks Out

Fortunately, this military wife survived violent and brutal assaults by her husband. The military said they washed their hands of him and she was just left to deal with what he had become, what he was trained to do.

Heres a few kickers, not only are we seeing increases in homicides and near fatals perpetrated by military personnel...this fact is not always immediately disclosed. 

As well, we do not currently have a Lethality Assessment to better inform police, criminal justice and practitioners and one must be developed. Although no one can determine that a homicide will occur among intimates, an appropriate and specific Assessment for this group, will alert us to the factors or characteristics that indicate a homicide is probable or imminent. That information gives us the ability to take heightened actions necessary to better keep victims safe. It is dangerous for victims to inform us "later" that "Oh, by the way, he was deployed to Saudi Arabia, Iraq or Afghanistan"

As we inquire and interview victims and military personnel, we are learning a number of things (flaws) that are harmful to victims and the community. One for example is that if an individual (Military) is "Dishonorably Discharged" he is not eligible for certain benefits, such as adequate mental health care!! WTH!!

Those "Honorably Discharged" are asked a few questions and they are deemed ok and sent home.

How can the military be allowed to create a killing machine and wash their hands and pockets ($$) of him/her and set them loose back in the community!

OK! OK! If the discharge is dishonorable, don't pay for college, or a loan towards home ownership, but take responsibility for your role in creating these such individuals and treat them before you loose them back into families and communities that are ill equipped to deal with them. Some of these individuals are killing their wives and others around them,  annihilating their families and commiting suicide. The DoD cannot just wash their hands and negate the fact that these individuals were trained and they did serve!

Be informed. Below are some items I found in my search where we can educate ourselves:

Family violence in the military : a review of the literature.Rentz, E. Danielle. Martin, Sandra L. Gibbs, Deborah A. Clinton-Sherrod, Monique. Hardison, Jennifer. Marshall, Stephen W.
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Journal Article
Published: April 2006
Trauma, violence and abuse
Vol. 7, p. 93-108
Available from: Sage Publications

Domestic Violence & Military Personnel Returning Home: Deaths and Near Fatal Death Occurrances are taking surmounting toll on victims, families, communities and resources. Family violence, including both child maltreatment and spouse abuse, is a public health concern in both military and civilian populations. However, there is limited knowledge concerning violence in military families relative to civilian families. This literature review critically reviews studies that examine child maltreatment and spouse abuse among military families and compares family violence in military versus nonmilitary populations. Physical abuse and neglect compose the majority of the reported and substantiated cases of child maltreatment in military families, followed by sexual abuse and emotional abuse. On the other hand, physical abuse represents more than 90% of all substantiated cases of spouse abuse in military families, followed by emotional abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse.
 X X X X X X X X X
This is a snipet of a document my advocates will surely use!

Battered Women's Justice Project


What is the relationship between the effects of war and IPV? Does having been in combat cause IPV? (Intimate Partner Violence)

There is no one answer to this question. While most returning military personnel have readjustment and stress issues, most do not become abusive to their partners and/or families. However:

• There are reports of increased violence upon return in some relationships with a history of controlling behavior and/or physical violence prior to deployment.


• There are reports of psychological and/or physical violence upon return from the war in some relationships with
no history of violence prior to deployment,

Military members, including active duty military, Reserve, and National Guard personnel, learn combat skills and function in a battle mindset to survive in the combat zone, but this mindset and the accompanying combat skills may create problems when transitioning home. It can be difficult to change back to a "civilian" mindset upon returning home.

• Most people coming from war zones will have stress reactions and will need to readjust to being home. This can be especially intense during the first months. These common stress reactions are a normal part of readjustment. Anger, anxiety, fear, aggression, and/or withdrawal are common war-zone stress reactions. Even minor incidents can lead to over-reactions.

• Stress reactions and problems that last for months can affect relationships, work, and overall well-being, if not addressed. A person may be coping with stress by drinking, taking drugs, withdrawing, isolating, and/or he/she may be having sudden emotional outbursts.

• Many combat veterans who experience combat-related mental health problems (e.g., post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)) do not seek treatment either when they are active duty or when they become veterans.

What health/mental health issues are related to military experience in a combat zone?
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Many of the common reactions to experience in the war are also symptoms of more serious problems such as PTSD. PTSD is a serious but treatable condition that can occur after experiencing a traumatic event(s) that involved death or injury to self or others.

Symptoms include:
* Experiencing intrusive, bad memories of a traumatic event.
* Avoiding things that might trigger memories of the traumatic event, such as crowded places, loud noises, etc. * Shutting down emotionally to prevent feeling pain, fear, or anger.
* Operating on "high-alert" at all times, having very short fuses, and/or startling easily.
* Experiencing sleep problems, irritability, anger, or fear.

• In PTSD, symptoms are much more intense and troubling and don’t go away. If these symptoms don’t decrease over a few months, they can cause problems in daily life and relationships. It can be difficult to be with someone with PTSD.

Another BWJP document that stands out is done by
Jane Sadusky, 2010

Collaborating for Safety: Coordinating the Military and Civilian Response to Domestic Violence – Elements and Tools
These documents are viewable at:
More is surely to come...



  1. Check out my story. I am just getting started but would love for people to hear me.

  2. Elizabeth, tell us about your story and what can we expect in the link?

  3. I am the victim of abuse at the hands of a soldier, and it was swept under the rug. Even my senators will not help me now. He has cost me jobs, got out of paying support, and has left me destitute with ruined credit and social isolation. His unit helped him cover it up! More people need to know that there is no help for some battered spouses.

    1. FallenFlower, thank you for your response. I truly hope you have found support and are on the mend given all you have had to endure. Feel free to contact any of the resources I have posted. You are so correct that some victim's voices are silenced and perpetrators are protected through a conspiracy of silence. Do not give up on you. There are many advocates working to bring those silenced voices to the forefront.

  4. My young daughter is married to a marine they are based in Hawaii. She ended up in psych ward and realized she was being sexually and verbally abused by him. She has not seen her 7 month old child for 2 weeks now part of his control. Even though the psychiatrist said she was a good fit mother. She reported the abuse it is under investigation. I can't believe they still keep child in home. She is staying at girl friend who is in Navy because she is afraid of him. She has no money no car part of his control. I feel like military is just trying to sweep under rug. Any advice appreciated.

    1. I am also going thru the same thing here in hawaii. My husband is army though. We didnt have food in the house for two days, my husband left my car but with an expired safety where he needs to take it to the dealership because it's in his name. He hit me in my eye and threw me to the floor. He was even arrested for domestic abuse and his chain of command hasnt said a thing about the incident. My husband can lie to you while looking you in the eye. I have gone to the news stations to.hopefully show how the military treat victims. Havent been able to.go to work nothing at all

  5. Dear Bozeman..., Please encourage your daughter to connect with a victim advocate. If she contacts the Domestic Violence Action Center, they can assist her! Please visit that website and see the services offered. They have always been helpful to military-related victims I've sent before. Too often the military's response seems cumbersome and non-responsive to the victim's needs even if there are good people who really do want to help, they follow a protocol that can feel as though they are not concerned, when they really are. But the civilian victim advocates have as their priority to assist the victim and often know well and work with the military advocates, investigators and so on and can help explain the process and advocate for the victim's needs while the investigation is underway. is a good page to visit too. Even if she has a place to stay and does not need shelter, she may benefit from the counseling and other services there. Back up to the local programs is always the state coalition....Hawai'i Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Their website has some information too AND they know everyone on the island....and the other islands too! Good luck, Debby

  6. Dear Bozeman Outdoor Club, Thank you for your post. The "Reply" comes from a great source - Debby Tucker, the Executive Director of the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence. Among other areas, Debby is an expert on domestic violence and the military, I cannot think of a better responder to your inquiry for the awful situation you are in as the father of a victim of domestic violence. Others should take your lead. Debby, thank you! Bozeman... The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence is listed in "My Favorite Links" and I hope you will follow the help Debby has provided as it is sound. I believe more sources and strategies to assist you will come. Please keep us informed on what you need to help your daughter.

  7. Update: My daughter was told to sweep it under the rug. If you don't and make a big stink I have seen people disappear she was told. Oh by the way won't get your child no money they said Marines worst branch ever. And when the USA breaks out in Civil War the military majority will be raping your children. Look up the statistics yourself and remember that most are probably not reported.

  8. I was a battered wife in 2000. The abuse happened with me and my children who had just moved here from another country. I was successful in stealing the children and sending them back to my home country. The army did not cooperate with me. I then filed as a battered wife for my documents which took too long for my to get my work documents. By that time the army had discharged him and he tried to find me and blamed me so I had to leave the country hurriedly. Not leaving a forwarding address for our documents with INS. I had tried to revive our case from our home country and got no assistance from our local Embassy. He has since passed and because of not having a social security number, my children were denied any benefits in the US. I have tried to open the case where I will be entitled for benefits as his widow in a couple years. I feel violated all over with the way I was treated and the lack of benefits. I had to raise my children on my own. I recently moved back to the US and trying to find some answers. Anybody out there can help? any organization? The years of pain and trauma has never left.


Rape in the Military, Domestic violence, sexual violence, murder, sex trafficking